A surefire way to nearly crap your pants

1) Buy Chuck Palahniuk's book "Haunted." Make sure you get the edition that has this cover on it.

2) Read for an hour or so.
3) Leave the book propped on your pillow.
4) Leave to go to a friend's for the evening.
5) Consume five pints of beer.
6) Catch a ride home.
7) Come back to see this waiting for you on your pillow.

 

 8) Turn light on, leave it on for the remainder of the night.